Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
