I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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