Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
