Don't you send me to vm
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize