His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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