I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
