I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
