oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it glows. i had to have it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
