the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
