I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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