I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
