i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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