There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
