Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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