god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
