Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
