I can tuck mytits in my pants
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
