I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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