im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
