I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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