are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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