If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
