he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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