wanna go halves on a baby?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize