I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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