Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
