We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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