at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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