Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
