It's Friday. Sex?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
