In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize