i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
