you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
