New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
