god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
