my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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