goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize