Having a random hookup so left but love u
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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