Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's the barista slut.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
