Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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