he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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