yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm always down for nudity.
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