He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
