Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
