I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
