I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
