Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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