Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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