I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You dont lie about slip and slides
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
