My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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