Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
