sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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