i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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