Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was like eating out sand paper
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
