Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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