sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
