Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
