I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
