Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
