Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
