She said her name was "party"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
