swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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