she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I came so hard my ears popped.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
